I was reading Ali's blog and here an extract of what she has shared which is what I really need at this moment.
"Reminds me again of this great set of comments from Charles Swindoll:
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."
I am down. Especially at this very sensitive moment during my pregnancy and the hormones leading my emotions more than anything. I breakdown once again. Being such a lousy person, as a mom, a wife and an employee. That's what I feel now.
Seth has been sick since Tuesday night, cough and blocked nose (bad). He can't sleep well and wakes up every 15-20 minutes crying. Both Olive Tree and I got so little sleep due to Seth's condition. The little guy really suffers and that aches our hearts. He develops fever around 5am, and we administered paracetamol. We brought him to the PD and got the medications for his cough, phlegm, running nose/blocked nose drops etc. Wow! 5 different colors of medication, how colorful can that be and it is challenging to get Seth to swallow all of them. 🙁
He is really cranky 1st night. We toiled through and prayed the flu bug just go away as we are celebrating his birthday come Saturday and Sunday with our families. Last night, it was tiring and I have mind so preoccupied with deadlines boss have given me, customers waiting for me, etc. Terrible enough. I need the sleep and hit the sack at 8pm. Hoping to catch a few hours rest before I wake up to work in the middle of the night. However, Seth was once again in his whiny mood and wanted this and that, I know that Olive Tree is tiring too but has to take care of Seth and accompany him so we tried to coax Seth to sleep but he simply refuse. One moment, wants to watch cars, next moment, take cars from the shelf and all. So up and down, up and down the dad has to carry him. 🙁 I got mad and I scolded Seth, brought the whole cars stand to the other room, and instructed Seth to sleep. Poor boy, cried so much when I scolded him. I have restraint myself, trying hard, but the pressure I add on myself is so great I loose control. When he is tired from crying, he laid on bed and getting to sleep.
Now, my turn to cry, felt remorseful and stupidly contemplated bad thoughts. GOSH!! I just can't snapped out of the work thing, the boss and colleague stuffs etc etc.... I have given so much stress to myself and also to Olive Tree which he admitted it today! He wants me to quit my job and save myself for being so worry freak and all. I can't let go of work, and kept on thinking..... even how many times he has asked me to let go, I just can't do it. All eyes swollen and teary, I manage to doze off at God knows what time. Mentally and physically tired....very tired. (**<) I did not go into office today, got another childcare leave and taking care of Seth at home. Really hope I will pull myself up and take advice from Ali's sharing of ATTITUDE to face each day...